Lady Gaga September Vogue Cover Review

The September issues are coming so I thought, fuck, why not review them? They're the most important issue for a magazine so why not judge?

US Vogue got Lady Gaga wearing a patchwork fuchsia gown by Marc Jacobs for their 120th anniversary cover. This is a great cover for US Vogue. I'm so used to seeing a portrait shot of an actress evoking Hollywood glamour, usually shot by Mario Testino. So bland. I recently picked up their May issue for six bucks with Scarlett Johansson and it's basic glamour is predictably boring.

My only criticism of the Gaga cover is the excessive air brushing and strange blue/purple tone to her face and hair. The red banner running through the mast head is a nice touch too.

The Australian Harpers Bazaar cover isn't awful but it's such a testament to the power of advertising. Louis Vuitton got the first pages of advertising for this issue so it would seem that also got them the cover. Constance Jablonski graces the cover in top to toe Louis Vuitton in arguably one of Jacobs' worst collections. Those fucking hats by Stephen Jones are a travesty. Dour, frumpy and outdated. The worst part though is the caption at the bottom: Constance Jablonski wears Louis Vuitton. I mean, what? This is the worst corporate branding I've seen in a while. Is it not enough that Louis Vuitton paid to get the cover but they presumably demanded a caption too. It's just too much and then they cap the whole cover off with the  statement 'The New Elegance' which makes me want to roll it up and use it to start a fire.

Burberry Prorsum Spring Summer 2012 Review

 Above: Gettin some Marc Jacobs vibez. That skirt/shirt combo centre is flawless

 Above: The centre coat is giving me 90's memories of sack tops worn by bogans. It would usually have a Jim Beam print on the front. Stay classy 90's. 

Above from left: The below the knee skirt with buttons and pleats oh my!, centre: Giving me mass Proenza vibez but it's less tricky. Right: That shrunken jacket is parfait. I want one. I want ten.

Coincidentally, Burberry Prorsum looked like a culmination of ideas from some of the New York collections. I was seeing Proenza Schouler (the colours, the stripes, Rodarte (that cutaway skirt) and Marc Jacobs (poufy prom dress shapes).

It was an easily digestible trend: Tribal. I'm sure there was a specific artist or whatever that inspired Bailey but at the end of the day the consumer doesn't see that, they just see tribal. Thank god he let go of the studded, spiky jacket thing he did for far too long in seasons past.

Sorry if these London reviews are short and scarce. I think I'll try and do a condensed overview of what I liked eg. those Teva sports sandals at Christopher Kane. Deying/creying.

BRING ON MILAN

Marc Jacobs Spring Summer 2012 Review

Marc Jacobs is still the same designer making pretty clothes for artsy, introverted weird girls and his latest collection is going to be memorable. It wasn’t ground- breaking but it was COOL. Remember the old Marc that used to do COOL? He’s back and on form. Heels with socks? Yes. A hybrid cowboy rainboot? A thousand times yes! There were filmy, tiered dresses, dresses with what looked like fibre optic strands, skirt suits with fringing, 60’s duster coats, and the most perfect mint sweatshirt you will ever see. Due to a combination of plastic and silhouette the shift dresses were too Prada Fall 2011 and I’ve had my fill of that crap (love you Miuccia *side-eye).

Marc Jacobs going to Dior? Phoebe Philo going to Louis Vuitton? Hell freezing over?

The Saddle. Early aughts it bag. 

From Louis Vuitton to Dior. Not exactly a huge stretch for someone like Jacobs. Those are the rumours currently swirling around Paris anyway in what has been months of presumed hand-wringing from Dior execs
taking their sweet time finding a replacement after firing John Galliano for his boozy racial rant at Paris bar La Perle. I can only imagine their leisurely search for a new designer was cut short after their latest couture collection. It was designed by Galliano’s right hand man Bill Gaytten and Susanna Venegas and reviews, including mine were fairly harsh. Execs are probably realising now that taking as much time as needed is seriously hurting the brand. They would be right in thinking that the brand can survive without Galliano but no head designer for three collections? The cracks are starting to show and they need a big designer to patch them up. And Jacobs will do just that. Jacobs is quite an interchangeable designer. You could slot him into any of the top tier luxury brands and he’d do well. Gucci, Chanel, Armani, Saint Laurent. You might not want to imagine him designing for these brands (at YSL? Gasp!) but you know he could do it.

From a fashion perspective it's quite uninteresting to see Jacobs put in at Dior and would be exciting to see them take a risk like they did with Galliano back in the 90’s. From a business perspective, well, Dior haven't had a major It Bag since the Saddle so Jacobs could obviously turn that around with his experience at Louis Vuitton. My other criticism of Marc Jacobs being put in at Dior is that he has never done couture but then I thought, who cares? The execs don’t. They just want hot shoes and bags. Couture isn’t dead but it’s not a bread winner for most couture brands excluding Chanel who manage a neat cut from Lagerfeld’s designs. I think if they hire him most people will just shrug their shoulders and be all whatevs about it.

Dior by Marc Galliano. It's whatevs

So if Jacobs does split for Dior that leaves his post at Vuitton open and rumour has it that Céline head designer Phoebe Philo could go there. I think she’s doing great at Céline and should stay put. With only a few seasons under her belt at Céline, Philo probably doesn’t have a huge emotional attachment to the house but she has total creative control and is able to design and work from London to be with her family, rather than be based in Paris. Maybe the offer of more money may prove tempting if her other needs are met.

Phoebe Jacobs. Don't do it Phoebs (we're like really good friends)

GET INSPIRED

Marc Jacobs spring/summer 2009

She Said What?

Marc Jacobs on critics:

"You are dealing with a whole lot of highly sensitive people who [will react] depending on their mood and how they’re feeling that day or what they did or didn’t eat for lunch. I have no problem going on record with this and probably have gone on record with this before, there aren’t that many people who I respect. There just aren’t. I think journalists have the right to their opinions but I think their opinions should be based on history and what they see, not what they feel, how long they’ve been waiting or whether it’s raining or it’s snowing or whatever."

Grrr. He's kinda right but I think disparaging of journalists and the work that they do. Jacobs has been bitten by journalists before so I can understand why he'd say this. Back in 2007 Jacobs' spring/summer 2008 show started a whopping 2 hours late. Journalist Suzy Menkes wasn't happy and she verbally took a dump on the collection.

The entire event was a parody of fashion now: the inexcusably late start as the 9 p.m. show began at 11 p.m.; the mobs of paparazzi snapping anyone half-known on the big or small screen; invitees treating the show like the ultimate party, although the whistles and roars turned to a whimper by the end. And in Jacobs’s Alice in Wonderland world, the end was at the beginning, as the designer ran out whooping while the parade of models marched in reverse order down the catwalk. (Martin Margiela first did this more than a decade ago).

Bitchy right?

Stefano Pilati on bloggers:

“I pay attention to all of them and I’m very scared … because who are these people? I would like to sit with them and ask them where they come from. Because it’s very easy to judge from your bed. At the same time, I’m fascinated. I’m fascinated by this era and this medium. If people are thirsty about fashion, I like to have a dialogue, but now it’s not a two-way dialogue; it’s a one-way dialogue.”

Stefano, babes, hit me up. Coffee? Dinner? Raunchy Manhunt hook-up? If he wants to sit with me and chat about fashion then I'm wide open...in every sense of the word. Bloggers aren't scary. I mean, I've posted some rather choice words about collections and I've posted images of myself that may cause grown men to scream but it's mostly in jest. I'm not intentionally scary. Not like this bitch...

 

MOTHERFUCKING ACORN HATS

Marc Jacobs' fall collection featured these cool acorn hats. I want all of them. As for the rest of the clothes? Who cares. Latex cut to look like sequins (a collaboration with House Of Harlot), polka dots, lace. idgaf. I want acorn hats

Heather Mooney? Is That You?

Karl Lagerfeld had this to say about retirement…

“I have a contract for life so it all depends on who I would like to hand it to. At the moment I’d say Haider Ackermann.”

Emphasis on atm. I love Lagerfeld but homegirl is old. I watched the Lagerfeld documentary and he’s blind! He was reading something and was holding it up to his face, like right against his face. It was like something right out of Absolutely Fabulous.
Today it might be Ackermann but tomorrow it could be Baptiste Giabiconi.

Jump to 1:40. Hilarity. 

Ackermann’s response?

"What can one possibly say to such a phrase?! Such a compliment! Honored I feel, how can one not be?! In all honesty tremendously, immensely touched especially coming from Monsieur Lagerfeld."

Gayest response ever right?

He later said "I think Mr. Lagerfeld said something that was a really nice compliment. But I think people should take it as he took it: a compliment. No more, no less.”

In other words, he called Lagerfeld immediately to thank him and Lagerfeld was all wer? Quoi?

With so many talented designers out there is Ackermann right for the job? Chanel ticks so many boxes that make the brand so successful and I’m sure they’d like to keep it that way when Lagerfeld sashays off to heaven. They’re one of the top luxury fashion brands in the world with a slew of house signatures that are instantly recognized as Chanel, even if they’re not the real deal.

Oh hey Court, is that Chanel? Didn't think so

Tweed, chains, the camellia flower, 2-tone shoes, quilting, No. 5. The list goes on and most of them are distinctively Chanel. No other house comes even close to such brand awareness. And then they have the star designer. Lagerfeld. Outspoken, flamboyant (that’s journalist-speak for total fag) and has an anecdote for every strand of his grey pomp.
He’s such an integral part of Chanel that the house will undoubtedly change when he is gone. The house will go on but Lagerfeld’s void will be felt and no one will have the impact he’s had. I don’t question Ackermann’s abilities (his Spring 2011 collection of jewel tone mullet dresses was tres swell) but his personality may not suit the brand. But what the fuck do I know. I used to think corduroy cargo pants were a legitimate daywear option.


Here’s my list of who should take over when Lagerfeld retires/dies.

Luella-Not only is Luella unemployed (fashion design-wise anyway. Sadly her label has shuttered so she’s wide open) but she had an amazing Spring 2009 collection that was like a young frisky Chanel girl after doing a line of blow and eating a scone. It was yummy.

Rei Kawakubo- Can you even imagine? I didn’t think so.

Alber Elbaz- He ticks every box. He’s distinctive looking, apparently a screaming diva if things aren’t done his way (yes, that’s a box that needs to be ticked). Oh, and incredibly talented.

Chloe, let go of the talented designer you hipster freak

Should bequeath his job to a bunch of cats like all crazy old people do.

Here’s my list of people that if they got the job, I’d die a little inside.

Marc Jacobs. I would die A LOT inside if Marc Jacobs did Chanel.

Dolce and Gabbana. Greasy Italian tax evaders who haven’t done a great collection in forever. And Gabbana dissed Stella McCartney over Twitter. Mee-owwww

Fabio Viscovo: I LOVE Stella McCartney!
Stefano Gabbana: who ??????
Fabio Viscovo: ahahaha! You don’t like Stella McCartney?!
Stefano Gabbana: Who ????? The daughter of the singer ?????
Fabio Viscovo: Yeeees! Stella McCartney, the designer !!!!!
Fabio Viscovo: Stefanoooooooo, please !!!!! You don’t know Stella’s a stylist ?????
Stefano Gabbana: What’s she known for?? What’s her specialty??
Stefano Gabbana: What sort of style does she do? What’s so special about it??
Fabio Viscovo: She makes a lot of minimalist sequined dresses… … .. they’re really feminine. They’re perfect for a nude look!
Fabio Viscovo: Come on! You’ve just got to have seen them! And although she’s really famous … she’s still an upcoming designer!
Stefano Gabbana: Yeah, she’s upcoming after 15 years doing nothing!! Hahahaha
Stefano Gabbana: Aaaaaaa …… I see you appreciate nonentities!! Bravo!

Henry Holland. Embroidered tweed slogan t-shirts? When hell freezes over Miguel Androver.

Anna Sui. That would actually be hilarious but then quickly become tragic.

So I wanna do this like, prairie patchwork skirt right? You feel me?

Raf Simons. Chanel? Minimal? It didn’t work in the 90’s so why bother. You stay at Jil Sander Mr Simons. You stay.

it looks like a ball sack

                                                    

 I am not amused

Martone-Jacobs Split?

Power bottom, I mean, power couple Lorenzo Martone and Marc Jacobs have allegedly split. Apparently Martone has moved out of their Chelsea apartment in favour of somewhere less faggy*. They've only been married for four months and both reps have declined to comment. That's a shame. They looked like they really deserved each other.

 *Hateful speculation

Alexander Wang Fall 2010 Review

My first thoughts of this colection weren't good. I didn't know what to write so I left it for a day, mulled over it and took another look tonight. I still don't like it. The prblem is I struggled to find pieces or looks that leapt off the screen and you shouldn't always have to do that. The collection prominently featured a 90's office-wear theme with poorly reconstructed and re-worked charcoal pinstriped pants and jackets. It was somewhere between Clueless and Delia Deetz, the highly-strung mother from Beetlejuice.

Above: Delia Deetz. When I google-imaged this hot slut I came across a fascinating article about the costumes from Beetlejuice. All of Catherine O'Hara's outfits were off the rack Issey Miyake, Comme Des Garcons & Mitsuhiro Matsuda. Srsly, click here for the article, it's really good.

There were cute, if not dull black shorts paired with criss-cross tops which we saw at Prada for spring. You can hardly accuse him of stealing but it's unfortunate that such a prominent look was featured on someone else's runway so recently.

Above: Prada Spring 10, hay gurl haaay

The collection then moved through to somesubtle goth touches of bloody velvet tops and black lace shirts. Funnily he used chenille for leggings and tops. Though this isn't his best work I still like that he has a sense of humour to his work, something not seen since Marc Jacobs.

LOUIS VUITTON SPRING 2010

Jacobs pandered to his Japanese fans for Spring at Louis Vuitton. Actually, he pandered to anyone who loves their look to be kawaii. It was a Hippie trance 90’s girl tramping to a rave with some beautiful little bags jangling with doo-dads and fur tails. I liked the garment panels broken up into sections and highlighted with contrasting fabric, particularly a pleated skirt and a jacket. The bike shorts looked fun and Jacobs had done this for his signature line as well as the bum-bag too. I guess it doesn’t hurt to cover your trend bases at both houses.
The fur moccasins were not chic nor flattering. It looked like the models had stomped a poodle to death with the remains left stuck between their toes. Ghastly. The tweedy looking jackets with green military pockets felt like some attempt to be conceptual rather than chic. I dunno, sometimes there’s something so self-conscious and art-world approval seeking about his work that it reeks of insecurity. Is he trying to keep up with such friends as Elizabeth Peyton and Sophia Coppola? I don’t know.

IT'S OVER

A month of fashion is finally over. My eyes feel like they've been skull-fucked by the amount of shows I've looked at and I still have about 35 shows to review. And that's not all of them, I skipped the ones that aren't worth looking at, ya know, like Iceberg.
So very quickly a few things that are buzzing in my head...

Louis Vuitton- Marc Jacobs will NOT make the clog fashionable. And what was with those other fucking shoes? They looked like slip-on Sketchers or some Nike low-impact jogging shoe.

Cacharel- Goodbye Eley Kishimoto, hello Cedric Charlier, formerly of Lanvin.

John Galliano- Something is definitely up at Dior because his signature line was amazing.

Alexander McQueen- Apparently the live-stream didn't go too well. PR coup? His resort collection was better.

Miu Miu- Cat prints possibly make up for the disappointing Prada show.

Valentino- That design duo (can't remember their names, Chiurro or some shit?) look like they're getting the hang of things.

RM by Roland Mouret- Nice textural elements

Misc.- Did Lara Stone only walk at Chanel? I'm in LOVE with Iris Strubegger and those cheek bones.

Perez Hilton front row at Marc Jacobs. That fuck-stick of a cunt needs to go back to LA and choke on a Big Mac.

Um, yeah that's about it for now. Oh and Rest in peace Irving Penn, one of the greatest fashion photographers.


Balenciaga dress, 1950

NEW YORK FASHION WEEK IS OVER

My head is still spinning from all the collections I've seen this past week but there's barely time to breathe. London is already kicking and screaming.
I had a quick look on the official LFW website and I think I saw Bora Aksu has already shown so I've gotta look at that.
I saw Jeremy Scott is on the schedule too. Apparently he's going to be showing this collection in New Zealand for fashion week and none other than Vivienne Westwood's muse, Pamela Anderson will be there.

I think the Spring shows were the strongest I've seen in New York lately. The last two seasons were blaaah.

My faves for New York were Donna Karan, Marc Jacobs, Proenza Schouler, Alexander Wang and Karen Walker.

Worst collections? That's tough and most would be for different reasons but off the top of my head Peter Som (but maybe I just don't get his vision), Narciso Rodriguez, Halston (just let the man rest in peace) and Ralph Lauren.

ps, here's a pic of my fave shoe of the season. It's Calvin Klein. It kinda reminds me of this hideous orthopaedic shoe my maths teacher used to wear. You know, the ones you buy from the pharmacy. I love them.

MARC BY MARC JACOBS SPRING 2010

Marc Jacobs’ diffusion line Marc By Marc Jacobs is always a mixed bag of cheerful clothes and the saying goes if it aint broke don’t fix it. Which is exactly what Jacobs and his dedicated team did. There were cute high-waisted skirts and pants covered with immature 90’s tribal prints reminiscent of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and M.I.A, ¾ sleeve jackets in black and coral and a series of check print skirt/jacket combos. Sweat pants with suspenders, a few jumsuits thrown in for good measure and a duchesse satin bow topped the head of most models.
There were some cool looks for the guys too; check suits and a slinky knit vest (also shown on a girl) over slouchy khaki shorts looked modern.