Prabal Gurung Spring Summer 2013 Review

Above: Heaven. Below: Hell

What started out great at Prabal Gurung’s spring show-tailored suits with long, sheer, draped tops-quickly devolved into bad taste and poor judgement.

Overall the collection was fussy and lacked polish. I don’t know who his customer is. I don’t know who’s buying or wearing, say, a flounced layered dress with feathers or a predictable looking white dress with cut-out details. And the prints. I mean, fuck me with shards of glass the prints were bad. They were uninspiring, garish, and confusing. The worst offender was a matching blouse and pant with what appeared to be small blue flowers. I don’t know, digital prints like this have been done a thousand times and with more skill so why bother?

Prabal Gurung has some interesting ideas but I think the problem is that he has too many and crams them all into one show. This collection would’ve been much stronger had he left out the prints and the flounce and just focussed on layering. 

Dior Couture AW 2012 Review

Yung n pruned

The fuck is this?

I had mixed feelings about this collection. While the entire front row collectively rubbed their clits and busted one out I wasn’t entirely hot for it. It just didn’t reach out and grab me or give me any fashion moments. I had an adrenalin rush a moment before I viewed the collection because it was going to be such a fashion moment but by the end of it I was left cold.

And it was so literal in design. It was one part Raf’s minimalism and one part Dior’s heyday. Some of the shapes were just ridiculous and I don’t mean the slightly outlandish shapes I mean the basic looking party dresses. It’s like he’s trying to say hey, couture can look just like ready-to-wear. So modern right?  And critics are like oh it’s streamlined, this is what couture needs.

The suits were the highlight. Simons appears to be in control when he does pants and a jacket but the dresses just didn’t gel. Couture is obviously bought by a thin slice of the female population and I just can’t imagine this type of woman wanting to wear a 40’s style gown but I’m not one of those women so at the end of the day I don’t really know and could be wrong.

Another issue I had was Simons’ inability to deal with tits. Every bust looked tortured and some even looked misshapen. I mean, he embraced the hips and worked in the classic Dior Bar jacket shape but when it came to the boobs it’s like he just couldn’t bring himself to accept that women have boobs so he flattened them out. It was weird.

The worst look was probably look 49. Kinga Rajzak wearing pants with a skirt over the top. Seriously, Demi did it better in 1989. The best look would be a tie between the first two looks. The shape of the first Bar jacket was perfect. The second jacket was a marvel in design. If you look at the lapel on the left from top to bottom, you’ll notice as you move your eye downwards the lapel slowly disappears. Fucking couture! How does it work?

Look at all the fucks this bitch gave

Shit that's on Sale for a Reason

Just doing some online snooping and had a revelation of sorts. Well not a revelation, I think I'm merely pointing out what is obvious: Sale items are ugly. Case in point:

It's like Gareth Pugh for Jacqui E. And do you know it was originally priced at US$315? It's now $95 and not surprisingly it's available in every size. 

The sale area of a store-bricks and mortar or online-is always a bit of a freak show. All the pieces from a collection that just don't work get relegated to the sale area and wait to die. It's like a rest home for clothes on life support. What's sadder is those pieces that could've worked if only some minor detail hadn't been added or if it were done in a different colour. Like the oatmeal single parent having a night out at Tabaret with the gang wrap above. Maybe if it had been done in black or navy? Even then I think you'd be clutching at straws. Next item:

A checkered mall goth at a Nascar meet and greet scarf. Originally US$175! Why pay so much to look so awful? You don't have to. It's a snip at US$53. As if owning this scarf isn't bad enough, paying $53 for it would be enough to make me hang myself with it. 

I've got an idea. Let's put an exposed zipper a few centimetres across from where a zip would normally go. It's never been done before. The reason it's never been done is because it's daft. How's a guy supposed to go to the bathroom? I think if I were at a bar I'd just piss myself. They could be yours for US$93, reduced from US$310. 

Ruffian Fall 2011. I'm going to have to stop you right there...

I know I post a lot of gifs like a 12 year old Tumblr virgin but honestly you guys I need to bust this one out

Ruffian designers Claude Morais and Brian Wolk, I love the 80's too. Like, I love the 80's real bad but spaghetti straps? Bitches please. And just so you all don't think I'm an epic armchair critic cunt I will post something that I liked from the collection. 

I'm kidding. That's a screen-grab from Romy and Michele's Highschool Reunion. 

This lace dress is beautiful. I love the sleeve detail and the hem. You'll also notice how they've layered and cut the centre-front. It curves inwards creating a slimming, skinny bitch effect. 

Really La Toya, Really?

La Toya Jackson. Selling something called Dream Cream. I mean, reeeeaaaaallly? Of all the celebrity endorsements. Sure you've got Lindsay Lohan doing fake tan but that's plausible. Lindsay is LA gutter stench so she fits right in with tan in a can but La Toya?
So this Dream Cream is actually a hand cream that contains diamond dust and other fancy shit. Presumably La Toya uses it for the handy-J's she has to give to her plastic surgeon coz bitch hasn't had a pay check since 1986.