Dior Couture AW 2012 Review

Yung n pruned

The fuck is this?

I had mixed feelings about this collection. While the entire front row collectively rubbed their clits and busted one out I wasn’t entirely hot for it. It just didn’t reach out and grab me or give me any fashion moments. I had an adrenalin rush a moment before I viewed the collection because it was going to be such a fashion moment but by the end of it I was left cold.

And it was so literal in design. It was one part Raf’s minimalism and one part Dior’s heyday. Some of the shapes were just ridiculous and I don’t mean the slightly outlandish shapes I mean the basic looking party dresses. It’s like he’s trying to say hey, couture can look just like ready-to-wear. So modern right?  And critics are like oh it’s streamlined, this is what couture needs.

The suits were the highlight. Simons appears to be in control when he does pants and a jacket but the dresses just didn’t gel. Couture is obviously bought by a thin slice of the female population and I just can’t imagine this type of woman wanting to wear a 40’s style gown but I’m not one of those women so at the end of the day I don’t really know and could be wrong.

Another issue I had was Simons’ inability to deal with tits. Every bust looked tortured and some even looked misshapen. I mean, he embraced the hips and worked in the classic Dior Bar jacket shape but when it came to the boobs it’s like he just couldn’t bring himself to accept that women have boobs so he flattened them out. It was weird.

The worst look was probably look 49. Kinga Rajzak wearing pants with a skirt over the top. Seriously, Demi did it better in 1989. The best look would be a tie between the first two looks. The shape of the first Bar jacket was perfect. The second jacket was a marvel in design. If you look at the lapel on the left from top to bottom, you’ll notice as you move your eye downwards the lapel slowly disappears. Fucking couture! How does it work?

Look at all the fucks this bitch gave

Jil Sander Spring Summer 2012 Review

Humble cotton took centre stage at Raf Simon’s collection for Jil Sander. The opening looks were a study in layering and construction before Simons moved on to a paisley print in precise skirts, dresses and tops. I’m not a huge fan of paisley but the one done in pink, green, black, and purple on a white base was cool. My favourite looks were the black dress with little jewelled clips at the waist. They were kinda like miniature wings. I loved the forest green jacket that had a kind of 40’s shape with these little ties near each shoulder. The jewelled clips appeared on another dress in that same green with a powder blue hat and a sort of watermelon coloured bag. Flawless.
Some of the later looks in all white were too clinical but they skimmed by fairly quickly and made way for some knits inspired by Picasso’s ceramics (I think). The show finished with bridal-esque gowns done in white cotton. Cathy Horyn described the collection as post-modern without the irony. That’s an accurate, if not highbrow summation. Definitely a top show.

Raf Simons Taking Over at Yves Saint Laurent?

If Raf Simons ultimately takes over the helm at Yves Saint Laurent — as those familiar with the situation in Paris suggest — the designer will have found a sweet spot for his meticulous modernism.-Suzy Menkes, journalist, gossip mongerer
[nytimes]


Can this just not be true? Raf Simons is one of the best designers in the business right now but Stefano Pilati does wonderful things for YSL. I know Pilati doesn't grab headlines like Miuccia Prada or Marc Jacobs but his clothes do the talking. It's quiet, modern elegance.

NVR 4GET

UPDATE!!!

The rumors are false. Stefano to stay at YSL

Heather Mooney? Is That You?

Karl Lagerfeld had this to say about retirement…

“I have a contract for life so it all depends on who I would like to hand it to. At the moment I’d say Haider Ackermann.”

Emphasis on atm. I love Lagerfeld but homegirl is old. I watched the Lagerfeld documentary and he’s blind! He was reading something and was holding it up to his face, like right against his face. It was like something right out of Absolutely Fabulous.
Today it might be Ackermann but tomorrow it could be Baptiste Giabiconi.

Jump to 1:40. Hilarity. 

Ackermann’s response?

"What can one possibly say to such a phrase?! Such a compliment! Honored I feel, how can one not be?! In all honesty tremendously, immensely touched especially coming from Monsieur Lagerfeld."

Gayest response ever right?

He later said "I think Mr. Lagerfeld said something that was a really nice compliment. But I think people should take it as he took it: a compliment. No more, no less.”

In other words, he called Lagerfeld immediately to thank him and Lagerfeld was all wer? Quoi?

With so many talented designers out there is Ackermann right for the job? Chanel ticks so many boxes that make the brand so successful and I’m sure they’d like to keep it that way when Lagerfeld sashays off to heaven. They’re one of the top luxury fashion brands in the world with a slew of house signatures that are instantly recognized as Chanel, even if they’re not the real deal.

Oh hey Court, is that Chanel? Didn't think so

Tweed, chains, the camellia flower, 2-tone shoes, quilting, No. 5. The list goes on and most of them are distinctively Chanel. No other house comes even close to such brand awareness. And then they have the star designer. Lagerfeld. Outspoken, flamboyant (that’s journalist-speak for total fag) and has an anecdote for every strand of his grey pomp.
He’s such an integral part of Chanel that the house will undoubtedly change when he is gone. The house will go on but Lagerfeld’s void will be felt and no one will have the impact he’s had. I don’t question Ackermann’s abilities (his Spring 2011 collection of jewel tone mullet dresses was tres swell) but his personality may not suit the brand. But what the fuck do I know. I used to think corduroy cargo pants were a legitimate daywear option.


Here’s my list of who should take over when Lagerfeld retires/dies.

Luella-Not only is Luella unemployed (fashion design-wise anyway. Sadly her label has shuttered so she’s wide open) but she had an amazing Spring 2009 collection that was like a young frisky Chanel girl after doing a line of blow and eating a scone. It was yummy.

Rei Kawakubo- Can you even imagine? I didn’t think so.

Alber Elbaz- He ticks every box. He’s distinctive looking, apparently a screaming diva if things aren’t done his way (yes, that’s a box that needs to be ticked). Oh, and incredibly talented.

Chloe, let go of the talented designer you hipster freak

Should bequeath his job to a bunch of cats like all crazy old people do.

Here’s my list of people that if they got the job, I’d die a little inside.

Marc Jacobs. I would die A LOT inside if Marc Jacobs did Chanel.

Dolce and Gabbana. Greasy Italian tax evaders who haven’t done a great collection in forever. And Gabbana dissed Stella McCartney over Twitter. Mee-owwww

Fabio Viscovo: I LOVE Stella McCartney!
Stefano Gabbana: who ??????
Fabio Viscovo: ahahaha! You don’t like Stella McCartney?!
Stefano Gabbana: Who ????? The daughter of the singer ?????
Fabio Viscovo: Yeeees! Stella McCartney, the designer !!!!!
Fabio Viscovo: Stefanoooooooo, please !!!!! You don’t know Stella’s a stylist ?????
Stefano Gabbana: What’s she known for?? What’s her specialty??
Stefano Gabbana: What sort of style does she do? What’s so special about it??
Fabio Viscovo: She makes a lot of minimalist sequined dresses… … .. they’re really feminine. They’re perfect for a nude look!
Fabio Viscovo: Come on! You’ve just got to have seen them! And although she’s really famous … she’s still an upcoming designer!
Stefano Gabbana: Yeah, she’s upcoming after 15 years doing nothing!! Hahahaha
Stefano Gabbana: Aaaaaaa …… I see you appreciate nonentities!! Bravo!

Henry Holland. Embroidered tweed slogan t-shirts? When hell freezes over Miguel Androver.

Anna Sui. That would actually be hilarious but then quickly become tragic.

So I wanna do this like, prairie patchwork skirt right? You feel me?

Raf Simons. Chanel? Minimal? It didn’t work in the 90’s so why bother. You stay at Jil Sander Mr Simons. You stay.

it looks like a ball sack

                                                    

 I am not amused

Jil Sander: What In Art Therapy Hell Is This?!

You know how lots of designers are all I just love putting opposites together you know? Like blah I’m so conceptual, hard and soft, light and heavy. Well, Raf Simons actually pulled it off. which I find weird because it was obvious that that’s what he was getting at but it wasn’t a big deal. In this case it was high versus low fashion. Rich versus poor. If you had told me this without showing me the collection I would’ve rolled my eyes in the manner of bitch please

There was casual-plain t-shirt and plastic shopping bag-and then there was formal- couture gown shapes and matronly leather handbags.
At first it looked high concept but bust that shit down and it’s totally wearable. T-shirts, crisp white boxy trousers, a chopped up cut n paste floral print, giant vertical and horizontal stripes.
The only thing I didn’t like was the weird ship signal flag vibes Pierre Cardin painting smock in yellow. What the fudge is that? Maybe it’s some weird psychological colour thing. Maybe I hate it because it’s worn by Hanne Gaby Odiele who has a Grimms fairytale sized forehead like me and it just reminds me of myself. (note: Just Googled Hanne to check spelling of name, decided to read Wikipedia profile and she was hit by a car in NY in 2006. She broke BOTH her legs! I feel bad now.*)

Overall this is one of the highlights of spring and made Milan a powerhouse this season. Go Milan. Go Raf. Go 10-head Hanne.

*No I don’t. I just found out she lives in Chinatown and drives a vintage 1970’s Mercedes Benz. TOTES JELLY

We're practically sisters

WHAT DOES YOUR BAG SAY ABOUT YOU?

So there’s this book written by some fashion hack (not me by the way) who thinks you can tell a lot about someone’s personality by what type of bag they have.
Is there any truth in this? Let’s find out. With my snap judgements, totally unfounded opinions and savage wit I’ll take a stab.
The book suggested for example that if you own a fringed bag then you seek out artistic types for potential bf material. Forget the fact that fringed bags might be in at the moment (they’re not, bar Jil Sander’s gorgeous fringed clutch two seasons ago) and a fistful of other possibilities as to why you own the bag you do.

Jil Sander Fringe bag, 312.50 Euros @ Luisaviaroma.com

Take me. I used to have a bunk-ass Country Road duffel with a busted zipper and sun-bleached canvas. It used to be black then turned into an orange mess. Perhaps it suited me. I am a mess after all. Maybe a big bag suggests I’m ready for anything and prepared for all occasions. My friends would laugh at that statement but I was prepared. Once. I went to Parklife and brought four plastic rain ponchos. They were labeled as Emergency Rain Ponchos.

They certainly weren’t ‘fashion emergency’ ponchos though, because I got the memo on sheer dressing for summer but it didn’t make mention of bin liners being du jour. I and my friends resembled a Puerto Rican couch sale on crack.

I also bought a pack of cleansing wipes and was promptly told by one of my friends that that was the gayest thing he’d ever seen. I hadn’t even shown him my cooling under-eye gel at that stage.
So that was the one time I was truly prepared because it just so happened that a down-pour occurred at the end of the night and indie kids were begging for them. One even managed to hibernate under mine for a full 20 minutes like a possum hiding in a tree until I realized she was there. I swiftly kicked her out into the pouring rain, tan in a can and all.

The cleansing wipes were a godsend by nightfall. The eye gel didn’t catch on though I’m not sure why, I mean, I was the only one there who had visibly reduced lines and puffiness by up to 70%, I can tell you that.

Two of my friends both have mini duffel rolls. One is printed tartan with extra long straps by Schwipe, the other is black faux-patent by American Apparel. What the hell does this mean apart from the obvious that they’re both gay? They’re both skinny nimble fuckers my friends so I think the size is relative to their bodies. They’d look ridiculous lugging my parachute sized bag around town. Plus they’re cooler than me, they’d never dare shop at Country Road. I have a theory that if they were to step foot into a CR store they’d burn to ash like Kirsten Dunst in Interview With The Vampire. Much like how my skin starts to bubble and smoke when I walk past a Fat store. I just don’t belong.
Hell, maybe this woman has a sound theory. My apologies for the hack insult, I’m projecting again.


NOTE: Since writing this article I’ve gotten myself a Raf Simons/Eastpak bag. Trust Raf to drag you out of bag purgatory.