Lady Gaga September Vogue Cover Review

The September issues are coming so I thought, fuck, why not review them? They're the most important issue for a magazine so why not judge?

US Vogue got Lady Gaga wearing a patchwork fuchsia gown by Marc Jacobs for their 120th anniversary cover. This is a great cover for US Vogue. I'm so used to seeing a portrait shot of an actress evoking Hollywood glamour, usually shot by Mario Testino. So bland. I recently picked up their May issue for six bucks with Scarlett Johansson and it's basic glamour is predictably boring.

My only criticism of the Gaga cover is the excessive air brushing and strange blue/purple tone to her face and hair. The red banner running through the mast head is a nice touch too.

The Australian Harpers Bazaar cover isn't awful but it's such a testament to the power of advertising. Louis Vuitton got the first pages of advertising for this issue so it would seem that also got them the cover. Constance Jablonski graces the cover in top to toe Louis Vuitton in arguably one of Jacobs' worst collections. Those fucking hats by Stephen Jones are a travesty. Dour, frumpy and outdated. The worst part though is the caption at the bottom: Constance Jablonski wears Louis Vuitton. I mean, what? This is the worst corporate branding I've seen in a while. Is it not enough that Louis Vuitton paid to get the cover but they presumably demanded a caption too. It's just too much and then they cap the whole cover off with the  statement 'The New Elegance' which makes me want to roll it up and use it to start a fire.

Marc Jacobs going to Dior? Phoebe Philo going to Louis Vuitton? Hell freezing over?

The Saddle. Early aughts it bag. 

From Louis Vuitton to Dior. Not exactly a huge stretch for someone like Jacobs. Those are the rumours currently swirling around Paris anyway in what has been months of presumed hand-wringing from Dior execs
taking their sweet time finding a replacement after firing John Galliano for his boozy racial rant at Paris bar La Perle. I can only imagine their leisurely search for a new designer was cut short after their latest couture collection. It was designed by Galliano’s right hand man Bill Gaytten and Susanna Venegas and reviews, including mine were fairly harsh. Execs are probably realising now that taking as much time as needed is seriously hurting the brand. They would be right in thinking that the brand can survive without Galliano but no head designer for three collections? The cracks are starting to show and they need a big designer to patch them up. And Jacobs will do just that. Jacobs is quite an interchangeable designer. You could slot him into any of the top tier luxury brands and he’d do well. Gucci, Chanel, Armani, Saint Laurent. You might not want to imagine him designing for these brands (at YSL? Gasp!) but you know he could do it.

From a fashion perspective it's quite uninteresting to see Jacobs put in at Dior and would be exciting to see them take a risk like they did with Galliano back in the 90’s. From a business perspective, well, Dior haven't had a major It Bag since the Saddle so Jacobs could obviously turn that around with his experience at Louis Vuitton. My other criticism of Marc Jacobs being put in at Dior is that he has never done couture but then I thought, who cares? The execs don’t. They just want hot shoes and bags. Couture isn’t dead but it’s not a bread winner for most couture brands excluding Chanel who manage a neat cut from Lagerfeld’s designs. I think if they hire him most people will just shrug their shoulders and be all whatevs about it.

Dior by Marc Galliano. It's whatevs

So if Jacobs does split for Dior that leaves his post at Vuitton open and rumour has it that Céline head designer Phoebe Philo could go there. I think she’s doing great at Céline and should stay put. With only a few seasons under her belt at Céline, Philo probably doesn’t have a huge emotional attachment to the house but she has total creative control and is able to design and work from London to be with her family, rather than be based in Paris. Maybe the offer of more money may prove tempting if her other needs are met.

Phoebe Jacobs. Don't do it Phoebs (we're like really good friends)

Jason Wu Spring Summer 2011

This is the best collection I’ve seen from Jason Wu. Prior to this collection I’ve had very little interest in his work. Everything was always so precious and a lot of people were dubbing him the young Oscar De La Renta whom I also have no interest in.
But this collection was concise, elegant and it wasn’t terribly fussy even though it had a French streak running through it; or more what an American thinks is French. Like, hmm, French women wear polka dots and bows and lace, tra la la let’s eat bon bons and listen to Serge Gainsbourg. But it just looked sooooo good mixed with all-American khaki and stripes. It just worked brilliantly. The stripes!!! When I first saw them I had de ja vu. I was thinking Marc Jacobs Spring. What year? 07? 08? Turns out it was Louis Vuitton Spring 09 and it was quite different to what was on Wu’s runway but I find it interesting that something as simple as stripes can become such a memorable print. Black and white? Forgettable. Mustard and black? Seared to my skull! Also the shoes and bags are going to be on many a wish-list next summer.
This collection is amazing and sure, giant bow tops may not fly off the racks but for 15 minutes on that runway it was pure vision of what modern American sportswear can be.

This is the Louis Vuitton look from Spring 09 I was talking about. I still love this collection. The hair is just fucked. I love it. And the shoes too. Those Spicy sandals were sooooo widely copied.

Cigarette De Jour

I love Catherine Deneuve. After she finished her cigarette I imagine she grabbed that woman by the hair and stubbed it out in her eye screaming in French something that would roughly translate to "peasant you're standing too fucking close to me".
So here's Ms Deneuve attending the opening of yet another Louis Vuitton store. This one opened in Beirut. I think there are now more LV stores in the world than McDonalds.
Poor thing. She's all 'where's my fucking cheque?'

I Am A Woman, A WO-MAN

Following the lead of Francisco Costa by putting models of a certain age in his last runway show, Marc Jacobs has gone one up and cast them in the ad campaign for Louis Vuitton. I really like the images. Christy Turlington looks amazebomb as always, as does Karen Elson. Natalia Vodianova? Shoulder shrug. I’ve never seen her appeal. I just don’t know about the clothes. Creatively they’re a drag.

Accessory Slut

I'm not normally a fan of LV, especially if it's monogrammed but I make an exception for this bag. I mean just look at how ridiculously cute it is. And the colours! Old lady lavender rinse diamond with a mint border. Get out of my head Marc Jacobs. Oh but it gets better/worse. I know, lets attach a giant tassle on the bottom and then stick on a big ummm doo-dad! Yes, a phone cord snake skin doo-dad. Fucking blow me. I hate that I love this so much.

Worst of Fashion Week Spring/Summer 2010

Do I really need to go into detail over these Skecher Teva Puma clog stunners? No.

Louis Vuitton




Chanel

Hey Karl, Blossom called, she wants her red suede clogs with flower detail back.

Prada


Do they all smoke bongs at Miuccia's apartment or is it the coke they do at Karl's country estate?

LOUIS VUITTON SPRING 2010

Jacobs pandered to his Japanese fans for Spring at Louis Vuitton. Actually, he pandered to anyone who loves their look to be kawaii. It was a Hippie trance 90’s girl tramping to a rave with some beautiful little bags jangling with doo-dads and fur tails. I liked the garment panels broken up into sections and highlighted with contrasting fabric, particularly a pleated skirt and a jacket. The bike shorts looked fun and Jacobs had done this for his signature line as well as the bum-bag too. I guess it doesn’t hurt to cover your trend bases at both houses.
The fur moccasins were not chic nor flattering. It looked like the models had stomped a poodle to death with the remains left stuck between their toes. Ghastly. The tweedy looking jackets with green military pockets felt like some attempt to be conceptual rather than chic. I dunno, sometimes there’s something so self-conscious and art-world approval seeking about his work that it reeks of insecurity. Is he trying to keep up with such friends as Elizabeth Peyton and Sophia Coppola? I don’t know.

IT'S OVER

A month of fashion is finally over. My eyes feel like they've been skull-fucked by the amount of shows I've looked at and I still have about 35 shows to review. And that's not all of them, I skipped the ones that aren't worth looking at, ya know, like Iceberg.
So very quickly a few things that are buzzing in my head...

Louis Vuitton- Marc Jacobs will NOT make the clog fashionable. And what was with those other fucking shoes? They looked like slip-on Sketchers or some Nike low-impact jogging shoe.

Cacharel- Goodbye Eley Kishimoto, hello Cedric Charlier, formerly of Lanvin.

John Galliano- Something is definitely up at Dior because his signature line was amazing.

Alexander McQueen- Apparently the live-stream didn't go too well. PR coup? His resort collection was better.

Miu Miu- Cat prints possibly make up for the disappointing Prada show.

Valentino- That design duo (can't remember their names, Chiurro or some shit?) look like they're getting the hang of things.

RM by Roland Mouret- Nice textural elements

Misc.- Did Lara Stone only walk at Chanel? I'm in LOVE with Iris Strubegger and those cheek bones.

Perez Hilton front row at Marc Jacobs. That fuck-stick of a cunt needs to go back to LA and choke on a Big Mac.

Um, yeah that's about it for now. Oh and Rest in peace Irving Penn, one of the greatest fashion photographers.


Balenciaga dress, 1950

FASHION ON FILM

Loic Prigent is the director of two of my favourite fashion docos. Signe Chanel and Marc Jacobs & Louis Vuitton.
I've watched Signe Chanel twice now and still my jaw drops when one of the seamstresses is told to remove two rows of beading from the waist of an Haute Couture dress.
I watched Marc Jacobs & Louis Vuitton for the first time yesterday on Youtube. It was interesting to compare the two designers. You had Karl Lagerfeld who almost had an aversion to touching fabric, instead he sat behind a desk and everyone did everything for him. Then you had Marc Jacobs in the workrooms zipping about on a desk chair, pins in mouth, cutting fabric on the dummy.